Poetry...Lyrics
Intro: there is just something iconic about the old Night before Xmas poem that inspires me
to write parodies & parodies, and more parodies...
The Future Night Before Xmas
Twas the nite before xmas and all thru the system,
The kids are upset... ol’ santa’s gone missing!
The rumors are flying, and here’s what they say...
He got in his spaceship & blasted away!
He took off to Mars, or maybe to Titan
Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune or Triton
Why did he do such a terrible deed?
‘cause those places are cold, and that’s what he needs.
Snowballs & ice for his reindeer to play
The ice here on Earth has all melted away!
That old global warming, it’s made such a mess
St. Nick in a swimsuit would not look his best.
So he’s traded his sleigh for a rocket & flew
Now Xmas on Earth will forever be blue.
But if you’re an alien, look for his flight
Merry Xmas to you and to you a good night!
2007
to write parodies & parodies, and more parodies...
The Future Night Before Xmas
Twas the nite before xmas and all thru the system,
The kids are upset... ol’ santa’s gone missing!
The rumors are flying, and here’s what they say...
He got in his spaceship & blasted away!
He took off to Mars, or maybe to Titan
Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune or Triton
Why did he do such a terrible deed?
‘cause those places are cold, and that’s what he needs.
Snowballs & ice for his reindeer to play
The ice here on Earth has all melted away!
That old global warming, it’s made such a mess
St. Nick in a swimsuit would not look his best.
So he’s traded his sleigh for a rocket & flew
Now Xmas on Earth will forever be blue.
But if you’re an alien, look for his flight
Merry Xmas to you and to you a good night!
2007
Nite before Xmas 2008
‘twas the night before xmas and all thru the mall
The place was as still as a school study hall!
Nobody’s shopping—it’s like they’re all dead
They’re staying home saving their pennies instead.
The merchants are crying “oh what shall we do
Without major profits, our Xmas is blue.
If no one is buying our overpriced junk
Our country is ruined. America’s sunk!”
Then came the ghost of Xmas gone by
Said “I’ll show you a sight”—and away we did fly.
See that mountain of bling, all covered with rust
Gadgets and toys all covered with dust.
Twas a graveyard of garbage, high as the sky
‘cause this is where christmasses all go to die.
And what of the shoppers, where did they go?
I’ll tell you a secret for those in the know.
They went to the book swap and then to Goodwill
They all went to yard sales and shopped up their fill
Nobody’s broke and their future is bright
Merry xmas to all and to all a good night!
2008
‘twas the night before xmas and all thru the mall
The place was as still as a school study hall!
Nobody’s shopping—it’s like they’re all dead
They’re staying home saving their pennies instead.
The merchants are crying “oh what shall we do
Without major profits, our Xmas is blue.
If no one is buying our overpriced junk
Our country is ruined. America’s sunk!”
Then came the ghost of Xmas gone by
Said “I’ll show you a sight”—and away we did fly.
See that mountain of bling, all covered with rust
Gadgets and toys all covered with dust.
Twas a graveyard of garbage, high as the sky
‘cause this is where christmasses all go to die.
And what of the shoppers, where did they go?
I’ll tell you a secret for those in the know.
They went to the book swap and then to Goodwill
They all went to yard sales and shopped up their fill
Nobody’s broke and their future is bright
Merry xmas to all and to all a good night!
2008
The Nite Before Xmas 2010
Twas the nite before Xmas and all thru the shop
You can’t hear a sound—not even a clock
The toys are all gone—the shelves are quite bare
What happened to Santa? There’s nobody there!
Poor Santa’s gone broke--his credit is hosed
His loans have defaulted—his house is foreclosed!
The lawyer, the banker, the ol’ Repo man
Have tossed poor old Santa Claus out on his can!
So there won’t be no presents under your tree
St. Nick needs a bailout—just like you & me!
So please spare a dollar or even a dime
For down & out Santa on Christmas time.
2010
Twas the nite before Xmas and all thru the shop
You can’t hear a sound—not even a clock
The toys are all gone—the shelves are quite bare
What happened to Santa? There’s nobody there!
Poor Santa’s gone broke--his credit is hosed
His loans have defaulted—his house is foreclosed!
The lawyer, the banker, the ol’ Repo man
Have tossed poor old Santa Claus out on his can!
So there won’t be no presents under your tree
St. Nick needs a bailout—just like you & me!
So please spare a dollar or even a dime
For down & out Santa on Christmas time.
2010
Nite before XMAS 2014
twas the nite before xmas and all thru the house
everyone's finger was clicking a mouse.
it was all very quiet and all very odd
as everyone worshipped the digital god.
Nobody's talking, just sitting alone
thumbs all a click on their shiny i-phone
Their faces all glued to a small glowing square
It's almost like nobody even is there!
here comes old Santa with sack fulla toys.
but nobody cares. They just look annoyed!
"Dont bother me Mister--why don't you get lost
unless you've got Apple or Microsoft!"
So away he goes, feeling so sad & blue
till he gets an idea—“I know what to do.
It's time for a change. I'll pull out the rug!”
he goes to the router & yanks out the plug!
Now Santa's smiling. “They're in for a shock!
For just this one night they might actually talk.
Till they call the IT guy who puts it all right
Merry Xmas to all & to all a good night!”
2014
twas the nite before xmas and all thru the house
everyone's finger was clicking a mouse.
it was all very quiet and all very odd
as everyone worshipped the digital god.
Nobody's talking, just sitting alone
thumbs all a click on their shiny i-phone
Their faces all glued to a small glowing square
It's almost like nobody even is there!
here comes old Santa with sack fulla toys.
but nobody cares. They just look annoyed!
"Dont bother me Mister--why don't you get lost
unless you've got Apple or Microsoft!"
So away he goes, feeling so sad & blue
till he gets an idea—“I know what to do.
It's time for a change. I'll pull out the rug!”
he goes to the router & yanks out the plug!
Now Santa's smiling. “They're in for a shock!
For just this one night they might actually talk.
Till they call the IT guy who puts it all right
Merry Xmas to all & to all a good night!”
2014